Every since i was little I’ve always had problems with sleeping. Someday’s i am such a light sleeper, a car driving by or window blinds shifting from a breeze is enough to bring me full awake. Other days i’ll sleep through four alarms blaring next to my head. In the last 15-20 years I’ve developed sleep talking and some mild sleep walking problems. When i talk to people in my dreams, i’m actually talking in real life. when i slay the dragon by punching him in the face, i’m punching my pillow or a wall (broke a finger and put a giant whole in the sheet rock with that one)
This morning i had the most violent and destructive episode ever.
Here’s how it went down.
I’m lying in bed, it’s about 2:30 in the morning. I’ve woken up for some reason, somethings wrong. i can feel my heart racing, Adrenalins pumping. Then i see it, its huge hairy legs slowly moving across my ceiling. It’s the biggest, hairiest, ugliest looking spider i have ever seen. The kinda spider that would scare the bejesus out of an Australian.
Screaming incoherently in a most unmanly way, i leap out of bed and grab my nearest weapon, my comforter. Swinging several times as hard as i can i hit the spider with all the power i can muster, i nail it and hear the most awful grinding and tearing noise.
This is where i wake up.
I’ve just beaten the tar out of my ceiling fan after confusing it for a spider and my comforter got caught in the fan blades which were spinning at turboprop speeds. the kind of speeds where if my fingers had been in the way i may have lost them.
So now i am searching for a new comforter and ceiling fan today